


Seven Minutes

by asmaanixx



Category: Yu-Gi-Oh! GX
Genre: Homophobia, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-30
Updated: 2017-04-30
Packaged: 2018-10-25 17:08:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,238
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10768686
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/asmaanixx/pseuds/asmaanixx
Summary: Sometimes seven minutes trapped in a closet is all it takes to get to know someone better than you would otherwise.





	Seven Minutes

**Author's Note:**

> I have kept the mentions of homophobia vague but am still tagging it.

"So... what exactly are we supposed to do now?" Judai asked, glancing around at the small expanse of the storage room that he and Johan had been directed to.

"Well... you can do anything you want really." Johan explained. "According to the rules, we can talk, play a game, kiss or whatever."

Face reddened, Johan averted his eyes, brows scrunched as a horrifying memory came back to him in bits and pieces.

"Oh? Well that's not what Fubuki-san said." Judai commented perplexed.

"I think that was just him wanting to create a little bit of gossip. Two top duelists caught red-handed making out in his closet? Can't get anymore scandalous than that now can we?" Johan scoffed with an amusing smile.

"I suppose not." After a beat of silence, Judai asked, "So... do you...?" At Johan's confused raised brows, Judai clarified, "Wanna make out?"

"No."

"Okay. Do you want to talk then?"

"Sure." Johan took a step back and leaned against one of the shelves.

"How were you back at North Academy? Were you invited to a lot of parties?"

"No. Do I give off that impression?"

"Sort of? I mean, you know quite a bit about how to party dos and don'ts."

"I just like to be informed. Beforehand. In case something goes wrong." Deep in his pockets, Johan's hands clenched into a fist and his teeth worried his bottom lip. "I was invited to one. When I first joined the Academy. Never went to another one again."

"Oh?" With his face flushed, Judai wondered if the air became so heavy because of the two bodies occupying the enclosed space or because of the direction the conversation was headed. "Well Amon must have liked you enough."

"He invited everyone."

"Not me."

"Are you saying you would have preferred laying in a hospital bed?"

"No. No, that's not what I meant. It's just... well, people like you."

"People like you too."

"Yeah, but..." Judai scuffled his shoe.

"Not being invited to one party doesn't mean the world is ending Judai." Johan assured, with a soft smile and a tilt of his head. "And trust me, some of these parties aren't what they're made out to be."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah."

Johan's eyes glazed over as he got pulled back into the memories that were starting to bounce around in his head.

Noticing the silence that came between them, Judai asked apprehensively, "Johan, you said you went to one party and, and from whatever you've said thus far, about parties in general, and you were okay about not going to Amon's party, and you were even reluctant to come to this one... you don't have to answer if you don't want to but... did something happen? That day, at that party?"

With his right leg tapping, and jaw locked tightly, Johan nodded. He had hung his head to take a few deep breaths to compose himself but he couldn't help the violent shaking of his bottom lip. The words just sitting there, on the tip of his tongue, waiting to come out and become real to the world.

"Do you... want to talk about it?" Judai asked peering at him from underneath his lashes.

Johan opened his mouth a few times before firmly shutting it. Even if he wanted to, he simply did not have the words at the moment to adequately explain just what it was that he had gone through. He knew for certain that whatever words would have tumbled out would have been laced with a fusion of emotions - anger, hurt, betrayal, confusion. Nothing that he wanted to remember but was being forced to anyways.

Swiping at his red-rimmed eyes, Johan shook his head.

"I think our time is up." Digging his fists deeper into his pockets, he said, "We should go."

Judai merely nodded and followed his friend out of the small space.

__________

_"So... what do we do now?" Johan asked timidly, eyes looking expectantly at the older boy standing before him._

_"You've never played this game before?" He asked, with a sly smile adorning his lips._

_With a shy blush, Johan shook his head._

_"Well," The boy began with a teasing smile, taking a step forward, "do you know why it's called 'seven minutes in heaven'?"_

_His fingers curled around the buttons of Johan's shirt, their foreheads knocking into each other. Johan shook his head once more, his eyes fixed upon the boy's chest._

_"Would you like to?" He breathed, tilting his head and leaning in closer._

_Not trusting his words to be loud enough over the pounding of his heart, Johan tilted his head up, eyes closed, and nodded._

Johan's fingers curled tighter around his shoulders. The harsh, cold wind bit at his skin but he knew that the chattering of his teeth had nothing to do with the drop in temperature. The tears flowing were a result from the heart break he had had to suffer after the event. It was supposed to be a memorable moment but not for the reasons that he did remember.

It was his first kiss. He was supposed to be remember the toe-curling, heart pounding, flutters in his stomach. He was supposed to be remember the redness in his face being a product of him blushing and shy. He was supposed to remember all the good things and good things only. He wasn't supposed to remember the ugly that came after for there shouldn't have been any.

He shouldn't have had his feelings mocked, being accused of jumping the other boy, and then had to face vicious, long-suffering days where he was met with immense hostility and stigma. He shouldn't have received threats, been subjected to harsh slurs and lewd comments.

But he was.

He was subjected to all that and more and that disgusted Johan. He had gone to a party that he was invited to, to have some innocent fun. He had never imagined that he would have to endure through such horror. But he did it all. He endured and he came out stronger at the end. At least he hoped he has.

He swiped a hand lazily over his face to get rid of all the running fluids.

He felt Ruby nudge her nose against his leg and he began crying harder. He should be comforted by their presence and there are times when he does. Those days are usually precipitated by the fact the Crystal Beasts have experienced the same ordeal as he has. They were there when his heart broke, when his eyes twitched, when he felt offended. They were able to feel whatever he was feeling so acutely, so minutely that someone would have ventured to believe that it was they were attacked. But for the days when the Crystal Beasts weren't there, like the day of that party, years before they had chosen him to be their Duelist, Johan feels isolated. He feels himself to be confined to be a space that exists outside of the world that he is able to comprehend. Like he has divided his life into two sections, a before and after the act of receiving the Crystal Beasts. The memories he remembered, existed just between that line.

He took in a deep breath as Ruby settled around his neck, looping their body around his shoulders. Amethyst settled herself by his feet, her huge eyes looking up at him. Johan gave a small smile and petted her, sending out soothing vibes to the feline. He wished he was able to feel more than this hollowness. He knew that the Beasts did their best to comfort him, to help guide him through whatever darkness the deep recesses of his mind tried to pull him to, but at times it simply didn't work. They were after all merely spirits. Johan didn't even know what that meant. Did they die in some world and were now having to live as spiritual beings trapped in dueling cards? He knew they were real because there were a few others that could see them too, so it wasn't like he had made them up to cope with his distresses. But why weren't they real enough? He needed them to be a little more real, more alive. He wanted to feel the warmth of Topaz's fur, he wanted to wrap his arms around Ruby when he went to sleep, he wanted to fly on Sapphire's broad back as they flew through the skies. Most of all, he just wanted to feel their hugs. He wanted physical remembrances of their love. Lingering smells, imprints on his skin, anything and everything he can get his hands on. He wanted to be touched.

"Hey Johan." Judai gave a small wave, standing a few feet away from him.

"What are you doing here?" Johan didn't even care that his voice cracked. His nose was red and running, his body was shivering from the freezing cold, and his eyes must look like he was tortured in hell. A cracked voice, in his honest opinion, was merely a cherry on the top.

"Hane Kuriboh kept nagging me to come down here. Said something about you being upset and the Crystal Beasts being upset." As he carried on, Judai took a set beside Johan. "I didn't want to come at first. Wanted to let you deal with whatever it is you wanted in private and whatever. I mean, I don't have to tell you about a hundred times a day that you can come talk to me if you wanted to. You know that already well enough."

"So why did you?" Johan asked, tucking his blue jacket closer to himself.

"Well, this lovable furball here," Judai commented, pointing his thumb at Hane Kuriboh who was now floating beside Judai's head, "decided it was a great time to show me just how high his vocals could go. There was just so much shouting and screaming and yelling, it was making my head go nuts."

"Hmm, well, thank you Hane Kuriboh," Johan said, bowing his head slightly, "for being so considerate of me."

Johan chuckled at the high-pitched reassurance the duel spirit sent his way. Johan wondered how it was that he was able to receive such immense love from intangible spirits than living breathing people around him.

"So, how are you holding up?" Judai asked, his face expressionless.

"Well enough I guess. Considering I haven't done anything stupid."

Judai scrunched his brows. "Stupid?" He shook his head, and blinked rapidly, refusing to allow the morbid thoughts occupy his mind for long. Licking his lips, he inquired, "How- what do you mean by stupid? You're not... you wouldn't.."

"I don't know." Johan admitted in a small voice. "I don't know what I would do. Or what I want. Sometimes, it just gets too much. It gets too loud, too empty. It's always different but the constant need to just escape, to run away is there."

"What do you want to run away from Johan?"

Johan swallowed a huge lump that had been sitting at the base of his throat for the better of the day and merely shook his head. There were no adequate words to dictate what it was exactly he wanted to run from. Did he even want to run away? Or did he want to erase certain moments out of his life entirely and just carry on?

It had happened years ago. So many days, hours, minutes and seconds had passed by in between then and now. He had spent many nights crying his eyes out, broken many bones in his hand as he angrily, and stupidly, punched at things he shouldn't have. There were many days where he was happy. Truly, and genuinely happy. Yet, he found it within himself to hurt. He would think he has put it all behind him, has figured out a way to move on, but then he would be assaulted with such vivid and horrible thoughts and he would wonder where he went wrong. How is it that these memories keep coming around to haunt him, again and again, just ready to rip him apart when he had stitched himself back together.

"Johan." Judai spoke, placing a gentle hand on Johan's shoulder.

Ruby chimed in concern, while Amethyst nudged her head against Johan's leg. Standing tall and majestically behind him, Sapphire neighed, making his presence known before he spoke.

"Johan, give voice to your concerns. Don't let your thoughts consume you."

"I-I don't think I know how."

"You can try." Emerald added in his booming voice. "Just start. It doesn't matter where. Just start."

Johan looked over at Judai who was patiently waiting for him. His eyes so kind and soft, devoid of any malicious judgment. His shoulders began shaking violently and he's pretty certain his face crumpled itself into something really ugly but at the moment he didn't care.

He simply asked, in a voice that he hoped wasn't too cracked for Judai to comprehend, "Can I a hug?"

Without a question, Judai opened his arms wide, and let Johan fit himself to his heart's desire. Johan doesn't know why Judai didn't complain about his shirt being ruined, or how pathetic Johan might be looking at the moment but he appreciates it. He lets it all out. Doesn't really talk in coherent phrases at first. Starts off by apologizing for the now ruined shirt which Judai easily dismissed by rubbing his back. Johan assumed he carried on talking about the silly, stupid game played in a closet. Then began talking in metaphorical circles which ended up him revealing about all the homophobic twats that made his life an absolute nightmare at North Academy. He felt Judai tense and hold him tighter and all Johan could do was take in deep, heavy breaths. Johan must have blabbered on about something or another but he honestly could not remember. Everything was coming out in a heady rush like a fuse had been set off and now that he had started, he couldn't stop talking. He found himself pouring everything out. From the nasty slurs to the violent punches, he told him everything.

When he stopped, there was a silence. It wasn't a suffocating silence. It didn't make him want to crawl under a rock or frantically paw for a ring buoy. It was like a heavy weight was lifted off his shoulders. He felt limp, and sluggish, but also more exposed and naked.

He doesn't know how long they stay there in each other's arms, but eventually Judai asked him, "Feeling better?"

Johan isn't sure of how to answer that. He just told a boy that he had met a few days ago about an incident that has left him traumatized for what he dreads to be his entire life. He let himself be vulnerable to this boy. He doesn't know why. He assumed it's because of that odd, unspeakable connection that he often finds himself gravitating towards. Johan thought back to that day, when he first saw Judai with his duel spirit, when he first shook hands, when he had pure genuine fun. Being with Judai had been like a clean slate. Johan was able to be himself without any preconceived judgments being held up against him. He would have dismissed the glitter in Judai's eyes, the teasing comments which Johan thinks could be classified as being flirting but he wasn't too sure. He doesn't even want to pursue that line of thinking at the moment. To assume that a boy might be interested in him only to be rejected once again... it's too much for him. He doesn't think he could handle such a situation, especially if it's involving Judai.

"No. I don't know." Johan confessed. Pulling away, he wiped at his face. "I just want to sleep."

"Okay. Well, let me take you back to your dorm."

"No." Judai startled at Johan's abruptness. Clearing his throat, he started over. "No, I can go on my own."

"Johan, I don't mind and frankly speaking, I don't think you should be left alone at the moment."

"Judai, I said I can go on my own. You've already done more than you needed to, so now let me be. Please." Johan finished with a tightness around his lips which indicated he would not be budging from his stance. With the possibility of Judai rejecting him in any form or capacity was beginning to grow its tendrils and stick themselves onto Johan's skull. He wanted to run away.

"Fine." Judai acquiesced, standing up with his own lips pursed.

There was something off about the way Judai was looking at him now but Johan couldn't tell what. On any other day, he would have invested more energy to find out more about it but at the moment he barely had the willpower to trek his way back to his assigned bed. Somehow he found it, stood up and started to make his way back.

With his Crystal Beasts by his side, and Judai trailing far behind, Johan made it to his dorm. Stepping inside, he wondered if he should say something to Judai. Wish him a good night, or offer up a word of thanks but they all felt inadequate. How do you properly thank someone for letting you be a slobbering mess while you cry and complain about everything that was seemingly wrong in your life?

Tossing his key back and forth in his hand, he turned around to ask Judai, "Do you wanna come inside?"

Shuffling in his spot, Judai questioned, "Are you sure?"

"If you don't want to, you can just leave. I'm not gonna tie you up and force you to stay here."

With a clenched jaw, Judai walked in, shutting the door behind him. He stood in his spot by the door while Johan removed his boots and jacket.

"It's not your fault." Judai spoke as Johan wandered about, removing his duel disk, placing his deck holder on his table. Anything to avoid meeting Judai's eyes, but the way his shoulders tensed didn't go unnoticed. "Whatever they did, what people think, how they think, it's not your fault." When the silence became too long, Judai spoke again. "Johan, did you hear me?"

"I want to go to bed."

Blinking his eyes a few times, Judai stepped back. "Okay."

Johan clenched and released his hands a couple of times, contemplating on whether or not he should take the bold risk of asking him to stay for the night. Judai was in no way obligated to do anything more than he already has. Yet, Johan found himself asking and to his surprise Judai did as he asked.

They didn't bother with words for the remainder of the night. With Judai's arms wrapped around Johan's torso, the two boys fall into a deep sleep. If Johan did dream that night, he couldn't remember it. He was only acutely aware of a breathing body beside him, the lingering scent of grass, and the ocean's salt. Judai was real. He was real, flesh and blood, with a beating heart. He was a living spirit that knew of his problems, someone who can comfort him when he gets down, someone he can touch to reassure himself that everything will be alright.

He didn't know if he would be alright. But he hoped he will be and if Judai was willing to help, then why not?


End file.
